It's only official when it's on Facebook

I've just ended my 5 year relationship and the last part of the process was changing my personal details on Facebook. Changing from "in a relationship with" to "single" was probably the hardest thing I've had to do in my recent adult years, probably because when you do so, it becomes public knowledge that you've failed dismally at what was meant to go from "in a relationship" to "engaged".

For some reason, although it has been over a month since our breakup discussion, it's not really official till it's on Facebook. And as I make this final change, I realise that it's the last little detail that keeps us together. Now, it's over, really over. It's on Facebook and the world knows.

Almost as if it's been a dirty lie, the finality of this move has reopened wounds that are bearly a month old. The silent suffering I've had to do as I "Like" and comment on his status updates. Has it all been a lie or is this just how things are after you shift from lovers to friends? The pang of separation wounds me, the ache of guilt and torment regarding the finality of this leaves me unnerved and cold. How powerful social media has become. 

You're shocked, I can tell

No matter how hard I try to keep this simple, my emotional state is both complex and decisive, yet in a twisted paradox of apparent simplicity I hurt. A click of a mouse changes my whole world, a life that I've dedicated my time and efforts to with him, for him, about him. It ends our Summer days laughing in the complex pool and our Winter spooning sessions. It ends our photo memories and anniversary milestones. It's goodbye to couple selfies of places we're visiting and pin drops at our favourite restaurants.  

One click and our 5 years seems to dissolve into a series of flashbacks, our hearts ripped from one another where they were once knit together in what I thought was perfection.

Alas, life goes on. Don't cry for me, don't shed tears or mourn. For what seems like the end of "us", is a brand new beginning for "me". 


Next thing you know, you're moving on


Funny thing life is. You find the strength from somewhere and you just continue on, although everything inside you pleads for answers and closure, you just keep moving forward. It's as if I've been living with a complete stranger for all these years, nothing, not even "lets talk". Would have been nice to know I meant something, anything. 

But, I guess actions speak louder than words and if he wanted me to stay, he would have fought for me. I'm sorry I couldn't be what you wanted Toad, I'm sorry I'm not the Dreamgirl you thought I was. I hope you find her, I hope you find that person that makes you become a Warrior for love and the Hero of your own love story. 

Yet with all these questions swimming in the cesspool of what was once my adoration for romance and young love, I'm hoping that one day I can change that status from "single" to "engaged" to "Married to". Although life may seem to want to break me, the Universe is really conspiring to help me achieve my best life, my best love and my best version of myself. It's faith that gets me through, an faith that will make me stronger. 

It may not be official until it's on Facebook, but the writing was always on the wall. C'est la vie!

December Holidays With The In Laws

Every year it happens to me. Somehow my plans are changed, get snubbed out due to bad weather or finances or someone gets on my nerves. 

This year I've decided to consciously relinquish control and just go with the flow, even if I'm not the captain of the ship this year. Here are some of my coping tips if you're spending some time with the in laws.

Choose your battles

If you're anything like me, I battle to see the grey in a clearly black or white situation. There's always one black sheep that will rile you up and get you fuming. Martha Beck recently posted an excerpt from one of her books about family gatherings. 

Martha says, "Before you meet your relatives this season, take a few moments to sit quietly and acknowledge what you wish they were like. Then prepare to accept them even if they behave as they have always done in the past. At best you may be surprised to find that they actually are changing, that some of your wishes have come true. At worst you’ll feel regrettably detached from your kinfolk as you watch them play out their usual psychoses."

Always have a plan 'B' to keep yourself busy

Typically I shrug off family trips with "I'm gonna pack extra magazines just in case I get free time go under the radar for a bit". Problem is that when you've read every single downloaded magazine on your Zinnio App on the way down to Durban, you'll more than likely have nothing else up your sleeve for the next 8 days. 

My plan B's include :

• Updating my iPhone with the latest tracks from 2013 as well as some Golden oldies from the 80's and 90's off iTunes. Interestingly to know that until 26th of December iTunes has a gift a day (free downloads) to Apple users. Download the 12 Days of Gifts app to get your free gifts. 
• Shopping on the Amazon.com website for some Kindle books to download and sink my teeth into. I've mixed it up a bit purchasing books on Marketing, Angel Therapy and Gary Chapman's 5 Love Languages. 
• Downloading some games onto my iPad. Gosh I sound like an Apple Junkie but if you haven't downloaded fun apps like "Dumb ways to Die", "Can You Escape" and "Bitstrips" you're missing out! For those wanting something more practical, be sure to download Pick n Pay and Discovery Health's apps to view your profiles and find out how to earn points. 
• Catch up on those assignments. I'm going to have to put all my digital downloads onto my iPad so I can do some much overdue correspondence for my diploma. 

Be prepared for anything

This year I've been told I'm going to be sleeping 'open plan' on a blow up mattress. While I wasn't initially ecstatic that I wouldn't have any privacy, I'm glad I asked up front. I'll be taking my own hand held fans with back up batteries and charger. I will be pitching my mini 2 man tent in the lounge (no jokes) and I'm going to ensure that the I have enough mosquito repellent to keep the bugs away. Might as well do this on my terms, gotta get comfy for the 8 day stay!


Prepare for 2014

I'm kinda weird like this, but I like to plan. 
I always make sure that I have my favourite pen and journal for some time of reflection and introspection. Next year I'm planning to get more involved in wildlife, go away more often over weekend adventures and want to start dancing again. 

If you have the Pinterest app on your iPhone or iPad, you'll be able to browse around and create some mood boards for your upcoming wedding, business, dream home. It's a lot of fun. 

Be an observer - channel your inner voyeur

While I've been 'part' of my other half's extended family for 5 years, this is essentially only my 2nd stay over with them. My 2013 resolution was to take more videos, for the sake of capturing the essence of the memories being made around me. 

This year I'm going to be the voyeur for the close knit family, and observe. 
I wonder how much they will spill on film? Watch this space. 

Just chill, ok?

So wherever you are, whatever you're doing (or not doing) try make the most of it. Maybe inspiration will hit you, maybe you will sleep it all away after all it's your holiday too!

Be polite, be helpful and keep your opinions to yourself. 
Next year I'm going to 'Romania' - Remain here - but until then I'm gonna sit back, let them drive and see the upside of not having to do anything unless I'm told too.

Happy Holidays.

To MRU on MK

So you have been patiently waiting for my news, all the details on my trip to Mauritius and pics to follow (of course).

Firstly, let me apologise for the delay. It has been a whirlwind of a first month at my new post, but let me assure you that I'm a lot wiser than I was before I started. I've had my share of personal challenges, sickness (laryngitis) and of course a major travel bug, the kind that makes you want to explore the world!

Virgin Territory

Trust me when I tell you that as I handed over one role and left the company I was at on the Friday, the daunting beginning of starting at a new company the following Monday made the transition a reality with very little time to over analyse it all.

As my first week in my new role came to an end, I found myself on the eve of my first ever international flight to Mauritius (MRU) via Air Mauritius (MK). Craig was dropping me off at the Gautrain in Sandton and we would enjoy breakfast together before my departure. 

But why was I so uncomfortable? I mean, here I was about to grab a much anticipated (and to an extent a self fulfilled prophecy) travel opportunity and there I sat with tears in my eyes and mascara running down my cheeks. The more I tried to calm down and wipe those tears away, the more they ran. 

The rest of the morning my ride on the Gautrain and arrival at OR Tambo was all a blurred state of misery. I had convinced myself (as if I had a choice) that I could always just "pack up and go home". I relied on my inner mother voice to take over and after a firm talking to I sorted out my inner niggles coaxed myself towards a new adventure. 

It was a familiar discomfort, one I've felt many times in my twenties when I had to end a relationship, close the door to the past or move residence yet again. It was the feeling of complete fear, overwhelming exhaustion and a smolder of anticipation deep inside me. It's the very same fear that has pushed me through my personal boundaries many, many times before. 

Embracing The Unfamiliar

I have no doubt that if you're a personal friend of mine, you're probably reading this and shaking your head in disbelief that I could have been that stressed out about it all. The good news is that as tired as I was on so many levels and as unprepared as I was at the time for whatever 'Passport Control' meant or how to deal with it, I was ready to push out of my comfort zone for the sake of the experience. 

Slumped in my aisle seat, I decided to just relinquish it all for the sake of being 'present' and in the moment. The air host was a lovely man, his strong French Mauritian accent pinched me back to reality that this life long dream was in fact happening. 

6 Days Of Discovery - 10 Things I Never Knew Before This Trip

I won't bore you with my thought processes, I will however share with you a couple of travel gems for those unfamiliar with Mauritius and a couple of photos during my stay. A glimpse if you will into my adventures and discoveries. 

1. Mauritius is not 20 square kilometers! 
The island is approximately 300 kilometers if you take a round trip along the coast. The air is humid and salty on arrival and there is only 1 highway.

2. The people are really, really friendly. 
If there is a country we could all take a feather from, it's this one. They have a colourful variety of cultures and religions and yet they all get along and respect each other. 

3. They have fauna and flora that you've never seen before.
You know that you're in a different country when the animals and plants look different. I keep describing Mauritius as 'the set of Jurassic Park'. 

4. The island is surrounded by a lagoon. And by lagoon they mean a coral reef that wraps around the island protecting the shores from 'white horses' and shore break dumps.

5. If you want a bargain, go to the Port Louis market. I learned this the hard way, being ripped off terribly at a Boutique store. For half the amount of money, I purchased twice the amount of curios at the markets.

6. They bargain like bosses! Before I left someone told me that Mauritians don't barter, but believe me, they do. So if you're not au fait with talking down pricetags, this is a good country to start with.

7. An SPCA nightmare. The streets are littered with stray cats and dogs that just run around unattended and uncared for. This is good news if you're an animal lover wanting to change the world - Mauritius needs you!

8. There are coral reef's that will change your life. Next time I go, I'm taking an underwater camera. I lost so many opportunities to capture the Parrot fish, sea snakes and star fish that litter the reef just meters off the beaches. This is a divers paradise!

9. Go all inclusive. I noticed that things can get quite expensive over there, even though our Rand is 3x stronger than the Mauritian Rupee. With this said, don't underestimate the 4 and 5 star hotels that offer great value for money and all inclusive means you don't have to worry about a bill at the end of your stay. 

10. 21 Sub Climates to enjoy. Mauritius is as ever changing in climate as the 4 seasons in one day in Cape Town. Mozzies and humidity, rain and sunny skies. Something to look forward to no matter what part of the island you are on or what time of the day you're visiting. 

Air Mauritius

Found on the beach

View from my room at Le Meridien

How about a walk on the beach?

A selfy - pinch me I'm here!

Catching some sun

Breakfast at Shells Restaurant at Le Meridien

The Flame tree - like our Jacaranda only orange. 

Pamplemousse Gardens Giant lillies

Port Louis markets

View from my room at St Regis

A local birdie that is super cheeky and very colourful

Special treat - Henna tattoo by the ladies at St Regis

Boundless beauty

At the top of a lookout

Changes on the beach - bouldered and beautiful

Taking a drive

Le Meridien by night

Mountains - who would have thought?

Le Meridien by day

Heaven

Beaches at Le Meridien

Nirvana Room - Le Meridien

La Faya Restaurant - Le Meridien

View from the Family Suite - Le Meridien

More beautiful mountains

Site inspection at The Westin (Previously the Grand Mauritian)

I recognise you!

Beauty at The Westin

Old Catholic church at Pample Mousse Garden

Pample Mousse Gardens

 

Old Catholic Church near Pample Mousse Gardens

Sunset at St Regis

St Regis

St Regis

Pools at St Regis

St Regis

St Regis

This truly was a life changing experience which I would recommend to anyone who hasn't yet been. Just a 4 hour fight away and a holiday that is as affordable for couples as it is for families, Mauritius is on my 2014 calendar to share with my Toad. See you there!


Thank you to The Holiday Factory, Air Mauritius, Le Meridien & St Regis Le Morne as well as Connections Tours. 

For great deals on these hotels ask your local travel agent for The Holiday Factory packages. 

Birthday Greetings - It's Kinda My Thing

When I started at Wright Millners in 2012 I created a birthday wish list on my PC reminding me of all 66 staff members birthdays at the JHB office. I wanted to share a message with our colleagues re the birthday boy/girls special day. Its about celebrating life really and letting everyone know.

I recently found all of the jpeg's I've saved over the last 18 months. It's kinda my thing - bittersweet moments of pride and joy in one. 

Hope you like them.