December Holidays With The In Laws

Every year it happens to me. Somehow my plans are changed, get snubbed out due to bad weather or finances or someone gets on my nerves. 

This year I've decided to consciously relinquish control and just go with the flow, even if I'm not the captain of the ship this year. Here are some of my coping tips if you're spending some time with the in laws.

Choose your battles

If you're anything like me, I battle to see the grey in a clearly black or white situation. There's always one black sheep that will rile you up and get you fuming. Martha Beck recently posted an excerpt from one of her books about family gatherings. 

Martha says, "Before you meet your relatives this season, take a few moments to sit quietly and acknowledge what you wish they were like. Then prepare to accept them even if they behave as they have always done in the past. At best you may be surprised to find that they actually are changing, that some of your wishes have come true. At worst you’ll feel regrettably detached from your kinfolk as you watch them play out their usual psychoses."

Always have a plan 'B' to keep yourself busy

Typically I shrug off family trips with "I'm gonna pack extra magazines just in case I get free time go under the radar for a bit". Problem is that when you've read every single downloaded magazine on your Zinnio App on the way down to Durban, you'll more than likely have nothing else up your sleeve for the next 8 days. 

My plan B's include :

• Updating my iPhone with the latest tracks from 2013 as well as some Golden oldies from the 80's and 90's off iTunes. Interestingly to know that until 26th of December iTunes has a gift a day (free downloads) to Apple users. Download the 12 Days of Gifts app to get your free gifts. 
• Shopping on the Amazon.com website for some Kindle books to download and sink my teeth into. I've mixed it up a bit purchasing books on Marketing, Angel Therapy and Gary Chapman's 5 Love Languages. 
• Downloading some games onto my iPad. Gosh I sound like an Apple Junkie but if you haven't downloaded fun apps like "Dumb ways to Die", "Can You Escape" and "Bitstrips" you're missing out! For those wanting something more practical, be sure to download Pick n Pay and Discovery Health's apps to view your profiles and find out how to earn points. 
• Catch up on those assignments. I'm going to have to put all my digital downloads onto my iPad so I can do some much overdue correspondence for my diploma. 

Be prepared for anything

This year I've been told I'm going to be sleeping 'open plan' on a blow up mattress. While I wasn't initially ecstatic that I wouldn't have any privacy, I'm glad I asked up front. I'll be taking my own hand held fans with back up batteries and charger. I will be pitching my mini 2 man tent in the lounge (no jokes) and I'm going to ensure that the I have enough mosquito repellent to keep the bugs away. Might as well do this on my terms, gotta get comfy for the 8 day stay!


Prepare for 2014

I'm kinda weird like this, but I like to plan. 
I always make sure that I have my favourite pen and journal for some time of reflection and introspection. Next year I'm planning to get more involved in wildlife, go away more often over weekend adventures and want to start dancing again. 

If you have the Pinterest app on your iPhone or iPad, you'll be able to browse around and create some mood boards for your upcoming wedding, business, dream home. It's a lot of fun. 

Be an observer - channel your inner voyeur

While I've been 'part' of my other half's extended family for 5 years, this is essentially only my 2nd stay over with them. My 2013 resolution was to take more videos, for the sake of capturing the essence of the memories being made around me. 

This year I'm going to be the voyeur for the close knit family, and observe. 
I wonder how much they will spill on film? Watch this space. 

Just chill, ok?

So wherever you are, whatever you're doing (or not doing) try make the most of it. Maybe inspiration will hit you, maybe you will sleep it all away after all it's your holiday too!

Be polite, be helpful and keep your opinions to yourself. 
Next year I'm going to 'Romania' - Remain here - but until then I'm gonna sit back, let them drive and see the upside of not having to do anything unless I'm told too.

Happy Holidays.

Here Comes The Cheque - Weddings in a Down-turned Economy

I'm almost slap bang at the stage of my life whereby marriage is should be on the cards. With so many people I know marrying over the years and shooting weddings myself, its hard not to wonder what my personal preferences would be in the same position. When I met Craig he had never attended a wedding as a guest and 4.5 years later we've been to almost 10!

While browsing through Pinterest and the likes of Facebook, I'm reminded of the many theme options there are out there. Vintage Chic versus Goth, Classic versus Contemporary, Circus versus Retro - its all out there, almost overdone and a little predictable. 

The bride floats down the aisle in her empire line, strapless dress (R10 000) as everyone listens to the same, predictable sermon (R800 Minister Fee). The running order consists of welcome drinks (R45 per head), bridal party photographs (R15 000 photo package), a 20 minute ceremony (R6000 venue hire fee) with ring exchange (R20 000 hers, R150 his - from Game) and of course, the honeymoon in Mauritius (R30 000). The reception holds the typical intro's by the best man, MC, Father of the bride and almost as quickly as it starts - it ends (total debt estimated at a minimum of R100 000).

The non-conformist in me rebels against tradition (and debt). I could see myself breaking all norms in a funky rainbow cocktail dress while twigs and ferns stand in glass jars as decor. I rebuke the status-quo and often ask myself if bigger is really better. After sitting down with myself (just in case, of course) I jot down the pro's and con's of having a big wedding and in turn do the same for a hypothetical intimate version of my big day.

If you're reading this over the weekend of the 24th of August, be sure to pop through to the Northgate Dome to check out the Wedding Expo 2013. 


Big Wedding - Bigger Budget (100+ guests)

The Pro's

• More guests - Aunty Jo and Uncle George are included although you haven't seen them since you were 5 and they have since moved to Canada. More guests means no one gets left out and no awkward "Sorry we're keeping the numbers down" conversations.
• More gifts - Don't tell me it wasn't a thought when you made the decision to go big, more guests means more gifts and gifts are flippen cool! Include a Le Creuset registry and bam! Sorted for life and kitted out kitchen without the expense.
• Celebrate in 3D! - Having all your besties and the extended family at your wedding ultimately means you'll be feeling loved and more opportunity to celebrate with major 'All eyes on me / Its my party and I'll cry if I want to' attention.  Hopefully the people you're inviting will be around in 15-20 years time so that you can share the memories together as you reminisce over that funny thing that happened in the men's bathroom.

The Con's

• Debt - One of the highest rated causes of divorce. While you want to include your friend you've known since high school that only ever calls to brag about her successes, perhaps getting into debt for an 8 hour celebration isn't such a wise idea and having her there means catering for her as well. Wanting that tuscan themed wedding venue that charges R1000 per head sounds glam, but is it really necessary?
• Feel the Pressure - Did you say 120 people? Did you know that they would all be staring me the whole time? What if I break out on the day? What if something goes wrong and I'm humiliated for life? What if they don't like (wait for it) my (Jirre, how much?) dress!
• The Fine Print - Big weddings, perfected diary management, dress fittings, venue hire, photographer interviews, minister meetings, ring purchases, dress fittings, flower sourcing, cake tasting, dress fittings all equals lots of contracts, lots of time, lots of commitment - more money! 

Intimate Wedding - Smaller Budget (Under 50 guests)

The Pro's

• Besties Only - Forget Aunty Jo and that high school friend, this is my day and I'll share it with those I trust and those alone. Having shared your tears, hopes, dreams, failures and fat days with those you know love you and you trust implicitly suits the timid bride and keeps things within the closeness of the family / friend unit. 
• Lower Costs -  Saving is king and getting into debt over a wedding just doesn't make any sense to me. Intimate doesn't have to mean budget, some of my friends and family include a cake maker, a DJ, a graphic designer for the invites, wedding venue owners, photographers, a chef, a make up artist, a nail technician, a hairstylists and a massage therapist and believe me when you know people like that, you ask for family and friend discount! It also allows for one to focus on spending money on things that matter after the wedding like a lavish honeymoon.
• Personal Moments - Having often heard brides saying "It went by so quickly that I didn't get a chance to see everyone". Smaller weddings means more time to mingle, chat & laugh with your guests.

The Con's

• Guest List Restrictions - Regrettably someone is always going to be that person on the other side of the cut off list. Having a smaller wedding means having to say no to acquaintances and cutting the fat off the guest list. (Sorry aunty Jo, neh)
• Minimum Guest Quantities - Some venues have a minimum catering quantity and generally require 60+ guests before they even entertain quoting you.
• Supplier Costs Don't Change - You may have fewer guests but you're still going to have to fork out the same amount of cash. Premium service still comes at the same prices and have to be costed into your budget regardless of the number of guests you have.

So there you have it, a couple things to ponder if you're a bride to be. 

Perhaps you've already had your magical day, did you do anything different or exciting? Would you have done things differently if you had to do it over? Perhaps you learned a valuable lesson that you could share?

Did it cost you an arm, a leg and a years supply of blood donations?

No matter how much money I have (or don't have) on the day the only thing that really matters is that Mr H is by my side and that the essence of what we're committing to is done to our taste, in our favour and with those we really love and cherish. 

The rest is all going to wilt, go stale and be chucked away anyway and our love doesn't come with a R100 000 price tag although we are accepting donations and may just have to save for the next 10 years if we're going to keep up with the Jones's.

Until then, lets dance to the chorus of our hearts and celebrate in rags and cinders for my love for you is sweeter than wine and my heart is yours regardless.