My Divine Freedom

It was the middle of a particularly difficult week for me. The heaviness of the grief I had become accustomed to, was weighing me down. There are times in our lives when the pain we feel is so comfortable and familiar, that we forget what sunshine and happiness feels like. That, is the exact same state I was in – numb.

So there I was, driving down a familiar road in Rivonia after completing another sales call at a neighbouring premises. I had seen the crystal shop from the street on two previous occasions 8 months before this day. I had mentioned to a friend that we should make efforts to visit this store, yet as time had passed, so did the urgency to visit. 

Today was different, today I needed to go in. I was being beckoned by the thought of familiar surroundings, positive energy and good vibes. All the things I needed so badly at this time of my life.

It wasn't exactly the easiest store to get into either, well at least not on this particular day. Two picket fence gates had to be opened, a buzzer had to be pressed, the kinds of challenges that could push one over the edge in this state. The chirpy voice welcomed me in to the property and sang instructions to me which included walking through the large green gates and turning immediately left thereafter. There she stood. 

A welcome face

I would soon find out that Jeanette was in fact the owner of Divine Crystals in Rivonia. Her body and colouring reminded me of a Fluorite stone, images of mauve and emerald green palettes came to mind. Her bright and smiling face beams at me as Jeanette leads me to her room full of crystals. It is a small shop but the energy is tangible - the same comforting energy I was expecting to receive. 

As I drag myself through the process of small talk, I listen more than I speak. My heart is sore and with it my body is slumped over with hunching shoulders, heavy with the burdens I'm carrying. All I want is to be left alone with the stones. But Jeanette wants to show me her meditation room, and so I follow. 

Let the healing begin

I stand in the meditation room, physically hurting from what I can only describe as "a pain in my solar plexus". The sun streams through the massive window on my left, there is so much peace and power in this space. But I need to get out, "It's too much.", I tell her. Being particularly familiar with the power of stones and its effect on me, we walk back towards the original room full of bright crystals and stones. The stabbing pain is now in my chest and my face grimaces with agony as Jeanette continues to talk. 

We share, we bond, and after a while the pain is now in my throat.
"You're in the angry stage of your break up, aren't you", she observes. "Hold your body and declare your anger. As you do, you release it."

And in that moment, almost as the full stop ended her sentence, I lose the ability to hold in the pain and I let out a whimper, which turns into a sob and then - I cry. I cry on Jeanette's shoulder, a perfect stranger. I cry because the pain has left my body and my soul is purging. She holds me, and as two strangers find themselves in each others arms, I'm smiling up at the Universe on the inside because this is exactly where I'm meant to be.

Freedom in the shape of release

After our chat Jeanette and I walk back to the reception area. In my hands I hold salts from the Namibian salt pans for aura cleansing and strict instructions to enjoy a long, hot bath. Pity I don't own one in my new house, but I keep them for the moment I do. The Selenite stone she has given me is tucked up inside the packet of literature she has given me to read. This woman is such a beautiful soul and I know I will see her again. 

From the moment I stepped out her shop as I headed back to my car, I felt as if a ton of heaviness has literally been lifted off my shoulders. For some reason, I knew everything was going to be alright from that moment on. 

As I sit describing the event to my mom during our regular Skype chats, I share my sense of freedom.  "I'm free mom, I'm free from the burden and pain I've been carrying. I'm free!" My mother reassuringly smiles back across the screen. "I am finally free and I can feel the joy!" The rest of my week was, and still is, full of joy and peace in my heart.

My message from Sam

A few days later I get an email from Samantha. 

The only thing that Sam and I have in common is that our birthdays are in the same month and that we both know her ex boyfriend. We've never met, but Sam and I know each other through Facebook and through a time in her life when she reached out to me via social media - the rest is history.Like so many people she was unaware of the recent break up I had endured and hurt I was feeling.

"I had a dream about you a few nights ago," she shares with me in her message. "You and I were sitting on the beach with the water lapping at our feet. You were smiling and the sun was rising. The glow of the sunrise reflected on your face,", she writes. "Tan, you turned to me while we sat on the beach as the sun rose and you looked at me and said, 'I am free'. So I don't know what that means to you but I hope you're well."

Believe me when I tell you that I literally burst out laughing when I read that, but in the same breath I know that the Universe is supporting you and I both through life's challenges. What we choose to see is really up how open you are to receiving the guidance and messages that we're provided, every single day.  

Are you open to receiving ? 

10 Signs Its Time To Let Go

The biggest challenge when making a decision is our constant fear of making the wrong choice.  Thing is its not the end of the world, its simply a choice. There is no right or wrong, its just a decision to be made with its own set of consequences. 

I am however the worst person when it comes to making a clean break if the non-negotiables aren't clear. I'm not stating these 10 signs are hard fact nor am I claiming that they apply to your love life or a particular scenario, every person and circumstance is different, but these are my tell tale signs that something is amiss.

So I'm here to break it down for myself - and for you - if the decision still needs to be made then consider this.

10 Signs Its Time To Let Go

1. The passion is gone. The ship has sailed and you just don't feel the "romance" any more. Perhaps your burning desire has dissipated into more of a slow simmer but its just not enough to make the effort for.
2. You've seen yourself elsewhere. Your imagination keeps showing you an alternative scenario, eternally optimistic in your fantasy world. You've already considered these alternatives and the present moment just leaves you cold in comparison.
3. People start noticing the change in your attitude. There is a clear shift from bubbling enthusiasm to the dull, hum drum approach you've taken on without even realising it.
4. Your inner voice is louder than ever. I'm not just talking about the voices in your head, but the voice in your heart that just keeps pulling at your shoulder, nagging you to take notice. You'll know when its time when that voice gets louder than your doubts and fears.
5. You've put aside your personal goals. Perhaps you've forgotten about yourself, neglected your health/talents/family/friends/grooming. If you're not living in balance, you're probably overdoing it on the committment front to something that doesn't serve you any longer.
6. You can actually see yourself in an out of body, almost comedic type of scenario and the person you're telling to F-off is probably someone important. 
7. Asking why. One of my most favourite alarm bells. "Why am I putting myself through this?" or "Why am I sacrificing so much." "When did I manage to lose myself?" These questions are being asked for a reason and that is because a conscious decision needs to be made.
8. Possibilities and opportunities for future development aren't clear anymore. The vision you have for your future isn't going to manifest itself under the current circumstances - its time for change.
9. Its in your dreams and you know it. You've woken up from nightmares, your subconscious isn't just talking to you, its shouting! 
10. You decide you deserve better and you don't have to feel like a victim to do so. You feel ok with this decision and you have a sense that everything is going to work out regardless of the circumstances.

My personal goal for 2013 was not to act like a victim. If you dont like something or you feel it doesn't serve your or isn't for your greater good - then change it!

Time to move on - might as well do so fearlessly.