It's Time To Ignore The Advice

This has been a particularly challenging year for me.

My 5 year relationship (with the man I believed I was going to marry) ended. My best friend suffered a series of strokes weeks after her first child's birth and landed up in ICU. A colleague and I fled from flying bullets in the streets of Johannesburg as a botched hijacking erupted in broad daylight.

On the flip side, there have been many blessings - but this post isn't about the good times. This blog is how the bad times have put things into perspective for me. I've decided to ignore the advice and follow my heart instead.

Acquainted with death

Greg* worked at one of the stores I call on. We weren't the closest, but he had a wit and a rapport with me that was both entertaining and memorable. I had trained him in the beginning of the year. His furrowed forehead met with a grimacing face. It's not that Greg was a tough guy, but you could sense the deep stirring inside him. I always felt as if I wanted to 'crack' him open and let the apparent pain escape. I remember once handing him a promotional pencil. He sarcastically retorted with, "What am I supposed to do with a pencil in this day and age." I may have responded with something as quirky, something about the calming smell of the shavings.  I can't recall what I replied but I remember Greg's response. It left me feeling unsettled yet connected. As we conversed I remember thinking that this was the first step toward our long-term, working relationship.

Greg killed himself 3 months ago. I was gutted, not that he simply didn't exist on this planet any more, but that I was once a part of his life - even though a couple months. We shared banter and that made him more than a business acquaintance to me.


Kim* was another trainee of mine. Her smile lit up a room and her eyes were kind. Two weeks ago we chatted via email about her upcoming training session I was trying to secure. I remember arriving for the training after heavy traffic. Kim came up behind me as I stood paging through my diary, her morning greeting was calm and light. She helped me set up my laptop, offered me coffee and we sat through my Powerpoint presentation with her team as she made fixed eye contact with me.
Joking, smiling and participating - Kim was present. She looked over to her colleague before I left their store and asked for permission to pop through to the shops to get some make up for her day ahead.

The last time I saw her she was waving at me over her shoulder, big smile ever present. Kim passed away 2 nights ago after the bike she was travelling on with her boyfriend ploughed into a taxi that had made an illegal u-turn on the highway. She wasn't only incredibly young, but incredibly memorable - even to me. Yes, we had a professional connection, but we had inside jokes. I had invited her onto my educational tour I'm scheduled to lead month end.  She was excited and thrilled with the possibility, we joked about whether she would be allowed to go.

Her news of her passing and this couple's tragic death found it's way to me while sitting in my car on a rainy Tuesday afternoon. "Too much!", I gasped. Tears poured down my face along with the rain on my windscreen. "I was just there and I should have been more, done more." I sobbed in silence.


Physical pain is my guide

While all of these emotions run through body, I can feel my breath shallow as my heart thumps slowly before returning to it's natural rhythm. I've been in the process of severing some superficial friendships, including a callous encounter with my ex. People don't always care as much as they say, those who do will understand where you're at. The space you need, the time out you're taking. They won't make you feel bad about being temporarily absent. My shoulders are tense and my headache hasn't left.  At this stage feeling somewhere between a mental case and an oblivious star on my own personal TruMan show. And I realised - none of it matters. Nothing.


Here's the answer to your current (and apparently important) quandary

Whatever you're going through right now, your gut will tell you what makes sense. Do whatever it is that feels right because we only have one, incredibly fleeting life.

Society tells us to wait for 6 months before getting serious and moving in with our new love "because it's the right thing to do". We are conditioned to believe that we can't ever amount to anything without a formal qualification or a certain amount of money in our accounts.

We believe that we need to meet standards that don't even make sense in order to be successful. Social media contacts reflect our popularity, the success of our whether or not society accepts or wants to know us. If we're not achieving or conforming to the tried and tested 'right' and 'wrong' guidelines put in place - we are failing at life.  This my friend is BS!

Here's my point

You could spend years with a partner that refuses to put a ring on it - time won't make a commitment occur. You could meet a partner that you've known for 3 months and talk marriage because that's all you both want with each other. Time doesn't discount the connection. While everyone is telling you to 'be careful', 'take it slow', 'push harder to get further' - life my friend, is happening all around you.

I'm the first to admit that I'm an instant gratification kinda person, but this isn't the same thing. Life is far too short to be ignoring what may just be your final hearts desire. There are no guarantee's, no refund policies, no time for excuses.

If it makes you happy, feels right, doesn't harm you or others and makes your heart sing - do it, you have my blessing.