What every man should know about smear campaigns against their exes.

I’ve kissed many frogs in my life, in particular a certain toad that just happens to think that a break up automatically constitutes a war. I was pretty happy to leave in the end, clearly the amicable approach from his side was conditional. The condition that I stay either miserable and/or single for the rest of my life. Somehow I think that both would have suited him.  

Here’s my side, just in case you didn’t get the memo.

Stay Classy

No matter what happens between the two of you, the reality is that confidence whispers and insecurity shouts. Sadly it’s been a year and Mr Toad is still so very angry. 

Regardless of the reason for the breakup, the way you speak about your ex speaks volumes about you. Airing that dirty laundry, just ain't cool, in fact you're embarrassing yourself if you think venting is making you look better/stronger/happier.  

Man Up

It could have been easier if said toad had just had the courage to stick to my convictions that were so spot on in the first few months of our (apparently blossoming) friendship. The same friendship that would, in turn, end 5 years later. Funny, I tried to leave twice in the beginning but he wouldn't let me, I knew in my heart that my feelings weren't reciprocated and yet, he committed. He committed regardless of the consequences. 

Half a decade later I wish I had the courage to listen to my intuition. Regardless we had good times, I tried hard to be the best I could for him, for me, for us. Ask anyone who knew us, we had it all - then we had nothing. 

If you're just not that into her, don't lead her on. Ever. 

Bad Blood Versus Mad Love

How a man handles conflict is indicative of how your relationship will end. I say this not with the intention that all relationships should end, but if they do, consider the spite and venom he’s shown toward family and friends that have done him "wrong" – then brace yourself. 

“Now we got bad blood, it used to be mad love, take a look at what you've done” -  Taylor you’re so right.

Don’t Cry When She Does In Fact Leave

No matter what your reasons are for leaving, whether you ended it or she did, have a little self-respect and take a proactive approach to what you've learned. Be accountable for the part you played and ensure (before the mudslinging) that the reason you’re not together anymore doesn't have something to do with *wait for it* your issues. If it is, then sort it out, grow and become a better man. Or don't, your circus your monkeys. 

When a woman leaves you after months years of pleading for the communication issues on your part get resolved, don't get mad. Learn and grow. Yep, it's that simple. 

Ladies here's a side note for you : If he displays irrational hate, yes hate, for his own blood relatives for no apparent reason, hear those warning bells loud and clear. No doubt he'll be firing with the same venomous ammunition in your direction but don't worry, it will render futile.

Gents, with years of solid commitment to you, don't send messages that you’re sorry you’re messed up and then go on a full scale mission to discredit her with accusations of cheating. 

Tell the world she moved, but bashing her behind her back is just cowardly.

Legal Implications Of Spreading Rumours and Lies

Nuff said.

Newsflash

Woman of worth and power aren't about to stoop to your level of insecurity with a counter attack, I wish you peace, not because you deserve it, but because I do. What you've done to smear her name through the mud has nothing to do with her, but you. Your thoughts will keep you awake at night while I sleep in peace. 

No matter how much you slander, slate and lie your way through life wanting sympathy for her apparent atrocities, you know inside you’re a liar. You're a liar because you don't want to believe that a woman that loved you that much could be happier with anyone else but you. You never appreciated her and you let her slip through your fingers. Don't play the victim, be the hero of the story.

Don't Make People Choose

Who does that? Who honestly makes people choose a side?

Really. No words.

I'm Out!

I’m happy. My heart is at peace. I’m happier than I ever thought I would be without you, shocking but true. I’m free, free from your drama, I’m off that bus. Go find someone else, something else, anything else to entertain you and those who wish to listen. I have a life, I'm living it. 

If you wanna show everyone how you've moved on – make conversation without my name (still) on your lips. No, really. Your mouth is dirty and I no longer want to be associated with it.