Ok before you stone me with criticism regarding racism and apartheid and compare the new South Africa with the regime of the past, let me explain.
As I'm typing this Belinda Carlisle's 'Circle in the Sand' is playing on iTunes. iTunes, now theres a concept. Playing music from your personal computer. LOL, no one would have ever imagined. It was such a simple and carefree era. Thinking about Julius Malema and his comments today on News24 about how 'serious' he is about nationalization of mines got me thinking about how scary life is right now because of unpredictability and uncertainty.
We're living in a fast paced, high drama and scary world. Nothing is simple, not much is carefree. I consider all the tags on Facebook (another concept we wouldn't have comprehended - an online social community, LOL whatever) we get of these old school games and gadgets and how we are taken back to our youth and memories of our childhood. Maybe its that we're older, maybe life was just as stressful for our parents in the early 90's. Perhaps its change thats freaking me out, or uncertainty of the future.
We work too hard, sleep too little. We can't drink the water, we shouldn't play in the sun. Parents have leashes for their kids and dogs can't poop in public places for the sake of sanitary living. Yet plastic wrappers are spat out on our streets and gum gets flicked over the shoulder without a second thought. Not many of us really care, care enough to change the attitude of that plastic spitting, uneducated individual and remand them for their actions. I have to giggle at myself. Every time I get asked if I want "plastic" at my local supermarket I reply with "No thanks, I'm trying to save the planet one bag at a time". A blank stare returns in my direction. Gets me every time!
Life in 2012 is kinda like those movies we used to watch, those imaginable scenes of the dark futures of humanity. You know the image - the sky is dark because we've polluted all the air. There is no sunshine and there is no fresh water. The human race has managed to destroy the earth and the human races free spirit of democracy. Its a scene of communist dictatorship where fresh fruit and veg is a thing of the past and people wage war over freedom and choice. Funny how much we take for granted.
So the next best thing is to think about immigrating, talk about moving elsewhere. But where do you go when its your countries karma you're living out and you're there to live in it? Does this mean you're meant to be in the country in question? To change it, perhaps help it heal, maybe learn from it?
I'm at a crossroad. I'm considering moving away from my country to give my future, my unborn children and my sanity the best chance at a good life and stability as I can.
All these questions, all this pressure to settle down while moving up. One must carry on regardless without being stressed, enjoy friendships but remember to have one and one time with ourselves. Try to earn a living without feeling guilty about the fifteenth homeless guy you've seen on the corner of President Fouche and CR Swart drive begging for money. Hurry up, slow down. Have kids, but get married first. Don't forget to forge a career, but enjoy what you do. Be a good parent but don't let your own issues taint your children. Immigrate for thousands of rands but don't forget to save. Life was easier in the eighties and I think it may have been because I didn't expect as much as I do now. The best part was that no one else judged me because I was only 6.5 years old and at that age the world is supposed to be your oyster, but you shouldn't grow up too soon either. At 6.5 years of age in 2012 kids are talking about sex, at 10 they're doing it, at 13 its blow jobs at the local casino roof top and at 16 you may as well just open a hoochy bar because your innocent 'Pumpkin Pie' knows more about the drug and sex scene than you do.
Before I sound like I'm bitter, I'm not. I'm afraid. I'm wondering what kind of old woman I'll be. I'm already a quarter into my life and I can hear my mother as I call out to the school boys across the road who are kicking over the vases through the garden nursery gates. Its that moment when I realize that I need to increase my display size on my PC at work because suddenly 2XL is easier to read and I can actually hear my eyes thanking me.
It's fear of realizing that every morning when I walk into my garage I secretly hold my breath because I'm expecting someone to jump out and rob me for the R2 in my car cup-holder or rip the imitation Guess handbag off my shoulder. I refuse to listen to the news on the TV or radio because I remember a time when listening to my grandparents was far more interesting and creating my own stories help me cope with reality. They're gone now but boy did they have it good.
Its that fear when you hear that 2 young girls and their father are senselessly gunned down in Honeydew two weeks ago, one fighting for her life with her father and the other deceased and nothing was taken. The biggest concern I had in the eighties was which part of my garden, street or block I'd like to wonder to. My sister and I would roam for hours and hours. My mother oblivious to where we were because you see, it didn't really matter where the hell we were, as long as she knew it was in the greater vicinity of Durban North and so long as we were home before the sun went down.
So where to from here? Run away or stay?
Carry on like the thousands of South Africans who refuse to leave or pack up and leave for a whole new life, one less authentic while still trying to be proudly SA. Life is precious. It is in fact short and we don't appreciate it until it hits us in the face with the cold touch of sobering reality.
Until I figure out how to save the world from its own demise, I suppose the best thing to do is not live in the past but take the best of yesterday and try implement it in time for our tomorrows and theirs, and theirs, and theirs. War just became the state of whom you know versus what you know and its very clear that we may be more democratic these days but we're not getting any wiser, well not the ones with the power anyway.
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