About a month or two back my mother in Durban, bless her soul, contacted me as she always does for the usual catch up chat and family update.
Her concern turned to me as she delved into the timeline of my life and how youth was slipping from my grasp. "I'm really concerned that you're not going to have children", she said solemly. "Are you ever going to get married?" she continued with a desparate yearning for grand daughters in her voice. With 3 older brothers, all with their own offspring, my mother is looking to my sister and I to "provide" her with her first grand daughters. Much to my disgust (yes disgust) I stood in my living room considering the consquences of getting knocked up for the sake of someone elses needs. And the rest just hit me like a ton of bricks.
With more than 9 new bundles of joy born this year alone within our immediate circles, our friends are either newly married, or pregant. Most of these people are on baby number two and the notorious "Grill Craig on the big question" session is still doing the rounds after 3 years together. Perhaps its the desire to see 2 sexy people procreate and solidify their love in a certificate of marriage that drives them? Or perhaps my cold, steel understanding of that very same paper is far different to theirs. The poor man has been inundated at almost every engagement, family function and christening on when and how he plans to pop the question. What if he doesn't want to? What if he's just happy coasting along until the right time has come. But no one cares about the right time, it has to be on their time. This gets me very suspicious as if theres a secret coup happening around me that I'm not aware of!
Its these kinds of conversations that make me realise that I'm either a late bloomer or that I take life a hellova lot more seriously than some who just expect me to 'pop a kid' for the sake of defying the race against age and time. At 30 I would imagine that having my head screwed on the right way would include not just having a child for the accessory passtime it seems to provide for others, but rather as an invested decision to keep the life circle going. So here I am at 30, not exactly mid life, with absolutely no desire to change the rat race life I'm living or swap it for 2 children and a labrador. What about what I want? To travel, to find myself, to get out of financial pooh? Whose uteris is this anyway?
Babies aside, has anyone even seen the cost of a wedding these days? Where the heck does anyone find that kind of money? So while saving for an engagement ring, and saving for a wedding ring, a wedding, a honeymoon and life full of children while paying off a car. While trying to save to buy a house and scraping by each month on my fairly decent salary one can only concur that time and patience are the keys to all of the above.
So before you ask me when my big day is and when I plan on being a mother. Before you tell me that mathematically I'll be 55 when my child is 20. Before you say "You're never financially ready" and "Children are a blessing from God", consider the possiblity that perhaps I know this all. Perhaps I choose not to care, perhaps when the timing is right my uterine walls will send a signal to my brain and mini Tanith (and Craig) may just grace you all with a wedding, christening and baby shower invitation of their own. Until then, I'm happy living my life forging on one day at a time till the mommy in me is ready (in all ways to provide) So whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhh!
:P
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